Santa goes GREEN
You are sitting at the North Pole.
You are waste-deep in snow.
You are making toys for kids. Toys like: "Grand Theft Auto" A video game where kids can beat up a hooker, or fashion dolls that look just like your favorite anorexic super star, or Bakugans: little plastic Japanese toys shaped like a ball, (in which the cat pushes under the refrigerator and Bakugans are never seen again.)
So, you are sitting in snow, you are making a bunch of toys...
What is the one thing that comes to your mind..??
How can I make it even colder up here..??
(It is an unwritten rule that EVERY conservative MUST do at least ONE anti- global warming editorial each month.)
New for kids this year...
A children's book by Anne Margaret Lewis, (which was given the thumbs up by Al Gore) called:
"Santa goes green."
(There also happens to be a Christmas play with the same name, which I will get into later.)
In this book, Santa is unaware that the earth is heating up. (Because Santa is picking snow out of his underwear.)
A little boy tells Santa that his polar bear pet: "Leopold" is going to kick the bucket because Leopold has no place to live. (Because you stupid humans are using your cars to drive to work, and your idiotic need to stay warm to survive: is causing greenhouse gas, and killing everything.)
Santa is so impressed by this little child, that Santa starts using recycled wrapping paper, windmills to power his toy shop, and Santa quits using toilet paper and just sticks his fat butt in the snow.
(OK, maybe I made that last one up...)
The story ends with Santa traveling the globe with his sleigh, while using an AK-47. Santa goes postal by blasting away all the BAD humans; thus saving the earth and the polar bears.
(OK, I may have made that one up too...)
But the point being: Global warming people are trying to steal Santa Claus.
Should we conservatives be pissed off..??
(At Christmas time..??)
A bunch of "pissed off" conservatives during Christmas..??
Santa Claus is one of the MOST "stolen" figures in world history. We need to "tag" Santa with one of those GPS tacking systems, so we can find this guy, when we need him.
Retail stores steal Santa. (To sell products.)
Politicians steal Santa Claus. (Because "I" am NOT afraid to say Merry Christmas.)
Religious people steal Santa. (Remember- The reason for the season.)
Atheists steal Santa as a way to further their cause of getting rid of Santa. (Don't you take away my paid Holiday, you secular progressives..!!)
So, why would I be angry that environmentalists want to take Santa for a ride? (In a Hybrid, of course.)
Christmas is all about what it means to you..!
!I am not going to try and tell you what Christmas HAS to mean- to you.
Let's face it, December 25 may not even be the actual day when Christ was born. Evidence suggests that Jesus was born much earlier in the year; when people of that day would travel to Bethlehem to pay their Roman taxes. (Which is what Joseph and Marry were doing, when Jesus was born.)
Aside from a "Green Santa" and "Holiday Sales" that are going fast, so you better hurry; I would like to see more information given to children on the "true" meaning of Christmas.
It is getting better.
CNN had a special on Jesus.
The History Channel has almost turned itself into "the Jesus Network" this Christmas Eve.
It is getting better.
So, I'm not going to get bent out of shape if someone wishes me a "Happy Holidays."
I am Happy.
And it is the Holidays.
Are the global warming people right? Is the earth warming up?
From where I live, it is mighty cold today.
People tell me that in the last 10 years, the earth hasn't warmed up and temperatures are leveling off.
We know that the earth has warmed up in the past and cooled off during ice ages. Humans didn't cause these past warm- up periods because we were not burning fossil fuels 19,000 years ago.
So it would be hard to prove that humans are causing a current warming period, (if, in fact, the earth is warming) because there are too many other factors. (Solar flares, the earth's natural "wobble" effect, etc.)
FORCED conservation, based on theories, does not belong in a free society.
However, there is nothing wrong with personal conservation. We all need to care for the earth.
This is why I am not really mad at a children's book on a "green Santa."
Matter of fact, let's give "Santa goes Green" some more publicity:
Here are some of the songs that are in the school play: "Santa goes Green."
"Turn off the pump, and plug in the Sleigh" (??)
(OK, isn't Santa's Sleigh pulled by reindeer? Wouldn't that be as GREEN as you can get..?? Why would you "plug in" Santa's sleigh?)
Here is another song from the play: "Santa goes green."
"Recycle the Fruitcake."
(I think everyone already does that.)
And my favorite song from the play: "Santa goes Green."
"Ho Ho Ho, things would be better if humans were dead."
Here are some of the words to that last song:
People are evil, wasteful, terrible, and mean.
If humans would just die, the earth would be green.
Santa is here, cracking skulls and making it right.
So pick out a coffin- people, this is your last night.
(OK, maybe I made that last song up. BUT- the first two are really from the school play: "Santa goes green.)
I can't really go green right now. For me to see any green, I would have to chop into the frozen tundra which is my backyard.
Green, or not...
Have a Merry Christmas..!!
Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republic
